PDF Download Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents, Even If They Didn't Take Care of You

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Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents, Even If They Didn't Take Care of You

PDF Download Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents, Even If They Didn't Take Care of You

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About the Author

Roberta Satow, PhD, is a sociology professor at Brooklyn College, as well as a practicing psychotherapist. She is also the author of Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents Even if They Didn’t Take Care of You.

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Product details

Paperback: 288 pages

Publisher: TarcherPerigee (March 16, 2006)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 9781585424627

ISBN-13: 978-1585424627

ASIN: 1585424625

Product Dimensions:

5.6 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches

Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.7 out of 5 stars

23 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#336,156 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

I found this book at a time when I was really struggling with the caring for my mother. This book is incredibly helpful in pointing out the, sometimes, obvious challenges of care giving and offers real life solutions. I don't normally mark up a book but this one is full of different colored hilighting, notes and dog-eared pages. I found myself among many of the stories. It brought to light thoughts and perspectives that I had not considered since I was too busy surviving life at it was.The strongest point the book makes it to set reasonable limits. Burning yourself out does no one any good. Much like the advice given in first aid class or on an airplane - keep yourself safe so that you can help others around you (put your oxygen mask on first). You have to be okay in order to be of any help to those around you OR to yourself.One of the few quotes in the book is "When confronted by an ocean of need, bring a cup". I have this on my refrigerator to remind me that I cannot bail out another person's ocean of need, but I can bring some relief without drowning myself.I agree that the title is a bit misleading. This book is helpful for those who have had less than an open, loving relationships with their parent(s), but it offers practical information to anyone in a care giving role.I keep this book handy and refer to it often, especially on the days I am trying to keep my head above the "ocean's waters."

Overall this is a book that really needed to be written. If you are faced with decisions and have complicated emotions about about your aging, sick parents -- for example your parents were mean, hostile or just had too many issues of they own to connect with their own children then you won't be disappointed with this book. However, it's not a "how to" kind of a book but more of a place to begin thinking and reflecting on our connections or lack thereof with our parents. The only section that I found to be extremely outdated in thought and advice is the area regarding males and their relationships to the mother.This section made me sad as more contemporary thinking strongly suggests that males strongly benefit from having equal connections with their mothers as they do their fathers. Excellent material exists such as; The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger by Kate Stone Lombardi, M.S. or Deep Secrets: Boy's Friendships and the Crisis of Connection Niobe Way, Ph.D. are a good place to start if you interested in the topic.Other than this section specific section I really liked this book and thought it was long overdue!

Great book and very insightful for those who need to begin the journey of physically caring f or an ailing or elder parent whom they do not have that good of a relationship with. As with all self-help publications you MUST be able and willing to step out of your comfort zone and make changes in the way you have programmed yourself to deal with the issues surrounding the circumstance in order to make progress.If your seeking a quick fix or to be patronized regarding your feelings toward your personal situation then this book is not for you. Be prepared to do some in depth soul searching and realization thinking to enable you to move forward in the situation. The book calls it as it is and at times a bit gruff on oneself BUT then again that is what healing and the journey is all about. The information contained will wither enlighten you or literally piss you off. You come to realize you ultimately are the only one responsible for your own feelings and you are the only one who can make the necessary growth in order to overcome and deal with the parenting situation.Take it from one who has played the game for over 53 years. Bite the bullet and dive in head first. It will not be easy and sometimes it will be three steps forward and four steps back but eventually you will get to a peaceful place with your parent. Do not wait until it's too late as the regret will do much more harm than what you have carried with you all these years regarding you and your parent.Best of luck and be patient and good to yourself while on this journey as it can be a life changing and uplifting experience when all is said and done.

This book helped me to see that ambivalence towards my Father was normal and the need to give what I can afford to give him is enough without guilt,for that I am extremely grateful too Roberta. Thank you, Delores B

The interviews in this book were very enlightening, giving me some new insights into the situations that I, and apparently many others, are going through with aging parents. I did sympathise with many of the adults, and I guess the only shortcoming of the book was that I expected it to provide me with solutions. I realize that may be impossible to receive from a book, but I do think I gained a lot by the empathy I felt to others who deal with the same insolvable and sometimes intolerable situations. I would recommmend this book to those just beginning to feel the pull to help their parents so that some strategies may be of help in the earliest stages before patterns are set.

Loved this. Compassionate, honest look at responsibility for aging parents who were not "good" parents. I am grateful to those who shared their experiences. It helped me tremendously.

This is one of the best books that I have come across on this subject of. Taking care of elderly parent when you have a bad relationship with them.

This book was exactly what I was looking for. Really hits home and is helping through some emotions I am dealing with given my current situation.

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Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents, Even If They Didn't Take Care of You PDF